My Spiritual Awakening...
I was born a completely conscious being, so much so that I remember my parents feelings and emotions from within my mothers womb. I remember being lost and confused a lot when I was a child. I remember looking at my parents and being able to see right to the core of them and thinking to myself who are they?
I remember thinking to myself I may have come through you but I haven't come from you. As I began to grow my awareness became much stronger and deeper and unknown to me at the time, I began using my empathic 'skills'. Nothing made sense to me, why the people around me would say one thing but in their hearts would feel another? Why they were so controlling and unable to simply show love? I felt more and more lost and more and more confused.
I was very inquisitive as a child and was fascinated by the 'mechanics' of things, how things function? What makes them function? What is controlling the movement? So I would often take things apart to see what was inside, I would cut materials, I took the vacuum apart at one point to see how it worked and then put it back together again. My parents didn't quite see things the same as I and so I would often get into a lot of trouble for being so inquisitive they mistook this aspect of my curiosity as me being naughty and so I would often get punished physically for behaving in this way.
Around the age of eight- nine years old I began to become quite withdrawn, I was very unhappy within my family life. I didn't feel like I belonged in the family I was in. I would often cry myself to sleep and would ask to be taken home. One early evening I'd had enough! And so I decided to leave. I put on my dark blue long hooded coat. The whole family, my Mum, Dad, and younger Sister were sitting watching TV. I was in the kitchen and I slowly opened the door to the TV room, just a crack so I could take one last look at them before I left. There they were, the reflection of the TV beaming on their faces. They looked as if they were in a trance, mesmerised by the moving pictures and enticing sounds. I slowly closed the door, opened the kitchen door, pulled on my hood and left.
As I walked into the cool early evening air, I took in a deep breath. I had no idea where I was going and I didn't care a long as I wasn't in that house or in that family anymore. At the time we lived in Huddersfield, at the top of a small hill and at the bottom of the hill was a forest. I grew up playing in this forest so I knew it pretty well, that's where I found myself walking towards. I kept my head down and I only looked up to cross the road, I kept my head down the whole way. I reached the forest and entered it and began walking through the foliage. I thought of nothing, I felt nothing, I was empty. I kept walking, I must have walked for quite a long time, I kept walking it was now pretty dark, I kept going. I kept going on and on, on and on and then suddenly out of nowhere in front of me was a high green wall, of some sort of crop,
I had no idea what it was, what sort of crop it was, but I now recognise it as corn... I stopped dead in my tracks. I looked up at it, it was really tall, much taller than me. And then I heard a voice say 'where are you going?' I replied 'I'm leaving' looking down at my feet. The voice waited and then asked again 'where are you going?' and then I began to cry. 'I want to come back home' I said, the voice told me 'this is your home'. I said said 'no! I don't belong here'. The voice replied 'this is where you belong, you must return, you cannot leave, its not safe'. I stood there contemplating what the voice had just said, reluctantly I agreed, I realised that I had nowhere to go. So I turned around and begrudgingly walked back home.
Now you may ask, why wasn't I afraid of the voice? Well that same voice is the voice that came to comfort me everytime I cried myself to sleep. That voice was the same voice that would comfort me and tell me everything was going to be just fine. I knew that voice very well. Its the same voice that looked after me before I came to the Earth. That voice is the voice of my father/mother...for me that voice is the voice of Source.
I returned home and as I snuk back into the house via the kitchen, I slowly reopened the TV room door and to my surprise everyone was still sitting in the same positions watching the TV with the same looks on their faces. I was very disappointed to see that no one had missed my presence.
This is but one of the many spiritual experiences that I encountered and continue to encounter till this day. My first spiritual experience occurred at the age of 2-3 years old which you'll find in the 'about me' section of this website. So this is how my life played out until I closed/shut down my empathic abilities, by refusing to acknowledge and connect with the Divine. Slowly the experiences stopped, the Divine energy stopped, everything stopped. In fact I stopped feeling anything. I shut down completely by the time I was 16 years old. It was the only way I could survive.
I remained 'closed' until my mid 30's when I fell into a severe depression, and this was to be the ignition to my 're-awkening'. Also around five years ago I reached a point whereby I consciously decided to be the best version of my self that I could be, to be the best human being that I could be and from that moment this 're-awakening' lead me to become the woman that I am today.